
Painter and intermedia artist Annie Abdalla tells about her caring for Joan, her mother, and the effect it had on her art making.
Annie Abdalla, peintre et artiste intermédia, raconte comment prendre soin de Joan, sa mère, a influencé son processus de création à elle.
I am an interdisciplinary artist who, like most artists in Canada, also has a second job. I share with many artists that daily struggle to juggle my other paid work with my arts practice and try to share the manifestations of my creative activity with others as often as possible. In the recent past I’ve had some good invitations to exhibit and publish.
But my already complex formula for pursuing my art and paying my bills has been altered in the last three years as I spend part of each year caring for my 90 year-old mother who has Alzheimer’s. I share this job with my sister, each of us taking turns every few months. I move from my home in Nova Scotia to spend about six months a year in Sherbrooke, Québec.
Maintaining a rhythm in my art practice, turning my mind to the work each day, has been well…up and down. In the beginning I was responsible for my mother’s daily physical care but as her needs increased and her health deteriorated, it was clear that we had to find more help. Fortunately she is now living in a nursing home, but my siblings and I have all agreed that we will continue to support her quality of life by being here with her every day.
While I am in Sherbrooke I have to make-do with studio space that has sometimes been in a spare bedroom, and sometimes is just a kitchen table. After a few failures I’ve managed to choose my projects according to the space I have available.
But as I struggle to maintain my arts practice I have been blessed with an auspicious “artful experience” with my mother. She does not remember what she had for lunch, but can still “make with the hands”, and in fact, this is what still makes the most sense to her. Every evening when I visit her we go to the living room and set up a little card table and do craft projects. We play music that she can still remember from the years of WWII and we sing along, and every so often we get up to dance to a favourite tune.
We have stencilled wooden trays, made fabric books using iron-on adhesive, and made dozens of plaster cupcakes with lovely Spackle icing and sprinkles for the nursing staff. We have painted flowerpots, built clay vessels, and made boxes in which to deliver cookies to friends. She never remembers a project that we’ve done, so I can bring the successful ones back over and over and she loves them just the same.
This work that we are doing is nothing like the art that I make in my own studio. But something has really surprised me about how all this time doing “handicrafts” has affected my own practice. Somehow this daily experience of making with the hands has kept the system exercised and I have experienced a particularly good flow of artistic energy. I’ve had some rather fruitful years even.
I liken this experience to my parallel practice of Tibetan Buddhism and the years that I have spent training my mind to have a kind of attention to the moment. Central to that practice is the notion of path with no goal, something that is quite foreign to our Western minds that are always making plans, setting objectives and striving for goals. I have spent many years cultivating the skill of paying attention to my own body, speech and mind. This is the primary frame of reference I have for the concept of a practice – it is something worth doing even when the immediate results are invisible. It takes patience, and a release of the idea of always “getting somewhere” or “producing something” and it requires regular engagement.
I have recently come to understand that at its core my art practice has a physical experience that is irreplaceable. I cannot simply think about making art and then go into the studio and do it – I need to train my body in order to be able to come back day after day to this kind of engagement. I need to keep the “art blood” flowing. What has really surprised me is how effective these crafty projects have been as a training path. I’m beginning to understand that it doesn’t matter how I cultivate that flow – eventually something interesting will catch fire in my heart and my hands and new work that challenges and pleases me will emerge.
Would I be satisfied to just paint flowerpots for the rest of the year? Probably not. But I’ve come to really appreciate the quiet time that I have with my mother watching her have successful cognitive experiences. In this situation I simplify the environment as much as possible, I try to pay attention to what is happening in the moment without judgement and, most importantly, I slow down. The outcomes, the things we make, are inconsequential, and are largely forgotten. We let go of them without attachment.
When I return home to my own studio space I find myself brimming with new ideas and ready to work. Like an athlete who has been training for the day of competition, I have a muscle memory of how it feels to be making something and paying attention to the process.
Annie Abdalla, MFA, MES
Prospect Village, Nova Scotia and Sherbrooke, Québec
March 2011